ini azam saya...(bce ye..jgn mrh dulu..)

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dear sayang,

i'm not sure if it is only me or it's true that it is no more the same....
the thing is i don't feel secure anymore and i don't feel anything from u...sometimes when i am so eager to see u, i'll end up frustrated..
when i wanted to see u, i'll end up looking at our pictures..
when i think i have someone to pamper, i'll end up pampering myself..
when i rely on u, i'll end up relying to myself..
i know we've known each other for quite some times but it doesn't mean this have to be like this..
we've promise to be happy till we die...
'till we die' a statement that now i myself question..
will this go that far?how can we go through all this?
it's a long way..i get what u mean...but we can at least try..
i've always wanted to see u..always hope for something..
but like what mama said...don't hope or else u get frustrated..
~i'm sorry mama..i just can't stop myself from hoping..n i fall a lot.
this is not what n how i wanted to feel, but the more i see u, the more frustrated i am. it's like we talk n then thing goes well..not long after, die jadi mcm 2 balik..nape kne mcm 2 ye?i seriously don't really enjoy it..
thinking with my emotions so wrong was not good..(at all!)
i will start thinking about how you've change..
how i feel it's hard to just ajak u pg mane2..
how u look so terpakse if i stop in front of ur house..(like to teman me ke pape)
how u use ur way to kind of psycho me back..
how ur mood swings each time u see me..
and stuff..for sure everything turns out to be negative..
then i got back home..thinking the best thing i could..
like..maybe u penat..or maybe i dah jd someone yg boring..or maybe my wrongdoings yg i xsedar..or maybe the love is not fresh anymore..or maybe u know i will always be urs whatever happens or maybe it's just something..
it's like there's something that u don't want to tell me..isn't there?

i tried consulting to friends like syaz..
what syaz said was ' i rase org jhor mmg mcm 2..die kasar and ade dis one kind of an ego..they normally don't think of what others feel and stuff coz that is just them..or at least e does that lah'
but thinking about it yes u sometimes hurt me but u r less kasar before..

ask 'sape ntah' n she said 'maybe he has someone else that he is more happy with..like maybe a close friend or just a friend..'
but i'm certain that u r not the kind who plays behind my back..

asked mayon n he said 'maybe die just rase xsecure'
tp ape yg nk dxsecurekan?saye xpnh mainkan awk apetah lg nk menduakan or rase gatal2 nk jatuh cinta ngn org lain.

we've known each other for a long time..n we started being friends..u get to know the real me n so do i...and it was perfect!but here is like something somewhere which i'm not sure of..

from what i know previously..after this long babbling, u will end up saying 'erm..ape maksud awk sbnrnye?..' or 'sorry' or u'll just turn things on me..ya..i'll end up thinking i'm d bad one and start to sdpkan hati sdri..u know how bad i feel..mcm pathetic nye dira ni...tp nk buat mcmmane...drpd sakit hati baik buat2 mcm bnd xjd kan?smpi bila pun kita boleh angin kt org yg kita syg?

well...td, went out n i have curfew..12 a.m...this makes me look at the watch every single minute..and i noe mira was not so selesa with it as it looks like i mcm nk lari blk coz lpk ngn die mcm bosan..it was not boring at all...im just afraid that i will pass my curfew..since u r not in a good mood n i really don't want u to get angry or feel anything, seriously want to gerak at around 11.30 ++ and as expected...things never go my way..hujan lah lebat...mira's car was parked quite far from the place..so kne redah hujan...girls n hujan doesn't go so we mira said, tgu hujan benti jap eyh....so sambung borak...12 a.m passed...still raining...tgu skit lg...then hujan mcm xnk benti jgk..redah jgklah..sbb hujan drive pun slow..kreta myvi br n she's not eally a good driver..she sends me to where i park my car (area ampang park) n i drive in the hujan..masih slow kerana hujan n mlm...topup plk hbs..n mimie must be sleeping..will have to text u n sure awk bdmood lg dgn kerenah saye b4 explain..so kne ade crdt..singgah 7e b4 isi minyak coz dah alang2 sgt walaupun takut..u see how things xpnh jd ikut i plan...kdg2 sedih tp i know Allah 2 nk menduga..everytime mst je ade bnd..

u know what..i seriously xenjoy making u hurt or marah or pape..that's y sehabis boleh i'll try to do whatever u want me to do and be there anytime u want me to be there..
so mlmni, mase drive blk td..i started thinking...mungkin ini bukan salah awak..mungkin mmg betul everything happens because of me...mmg mrh kuar mlm itu normal..mmg sepatutnya..walaupun saya tau saya xbuat pape slh pun, it is still keluar mlm...mmg dlm kehidupan sye bnd 2 biase..tp mostly tidak..n u hav the right to say no to me..tp 2 lah...kawan2 saye mmg penting dlm hidup saya..n suddenly it pops...'what if bnd ni buat moll lg rase aku boring or moll lg akn benci aku..what if dis relationship ends b4 kite jangka?'
s***.. i am so not ready 4 this..this time saye lgsg xfkr psl sape nk isi minyak or sape nk teman makan n stuff..i simply feel that i just can't loose u because i love u so much..simply said.there's nothing i can do lah if i'm not with u n ia akan hurt so much that i fell that i could not survive living anymore..n please take note that ini bukan kata-kata manis..ini kebenaran yg saye rasa td n sekarang...it's not that br rase mcm ni...it's that i br realize yg i blh rase mcm 2 n trus rase xley nafas...the hell is dat??? i'm sure that that is the feeling i have for u n i know it is deeper than what u can imagine..
before ni, i asyik nk cari psl je utk dptkn attention die..i asyik nk kcu die je utk dptkn attention die..asyik nk mntk mkn mrepek2 je utk ade dgn die..i noe it is not a good way..tp saya nk ade die...bile jmp die n die tnjkkn yg mcm 'aaaiisshh', rase mcm perigi lah plk..kdg2 rase mcm meyemak..so sye pun berkeputusan utk drpd i duk rumah n serabut2 rase mcm bf sdri dah xsyg n rase mcm ppuan yg xberguna lgsg..n rase mcm bdh sbb kne sdpkn hati sdri je asyik2..better i kuar je ngn sape2 yg ajk...
bila dah sesak nafas ni, saye sdr..instead of tarik perhatian die dg cara itu, baik saye jd angel sbnr so that die lbh tertarik...so dat die xrase tpakse utk cinta saye..
knowing that..i need to put an azam..since i can't manage myself to get back home b4 the curfew, it's better if i xkeluar lgsg..if others can do that, why can't i?uhh~ it sounds jahat..but ya...somethings has to be done..cmane nk hidup if xley nafas hari2?matilah nnt..ok..jd lpsni jgn kuar mlm if sape pun ajk...ask if possible to meet on the weekends ke atleast..tp mst siang...xpela if kdg2 kawan2 saye trase mcm mane sye slalu trase bile kwan2 saye buat kt saye :( saya sanggup demi die..
thinking about it..blh ke sye buat bnd ni smpi die sdr prubahan 2?n sementara tu sye kne btahan n duk golek2 fkrkan ape bnd yg slalu dfikir..biasenye sejarah yg xbest 2 lah yg akn dsimpan smpi mati...yg baik ssh org nk igt...ppl say....biasenye bile dah hilang br sdr..tp xknla n tgu smpi die lpskn saye n then die sdr...cube klau die sdr bnd xsptutnye..mcm 'owh..ade org lg bgus pd dira..so xyah la dira 2' hah! xsesak nafas jgk i?
i am just so out of ideas..Ya Allah..jika benar Mohammad Molkhan itu jodohku, Kau permudahkanlah dan peliharalah hubungan kami selamanya..aminn~

i miss u.............

a lovely evening 17.05.2011

-Ini moll yg tulis!-

Harini,best gila!
sebab saya dapat spend time dengan kesayangan.
harini kitorang belajar sama-sama,
then makan sama-sama
n yg paling penting saya dapat buat photoshoot dengan kesayangan bintang.
yeay!

ni la hasil2 gambar nya.
happy sangat sangat.thanx sayang!hehe

sebelum pg,g cuci rambut bintang saya ni dulu




























comel kan sayang saya ni?saya dah kata,die je yg tanak caye.haha

-Ini moll yg tulis-

erm,She gave me this as our anniversary present..



Im so in love hunny :)

sory ye hadiah untuk awak postpone sekejap?
special sikit.hehhe :))

-ini dira yang tulis-

dah berhabuk kan???
huu...

sekejap lg 00.00 a.m. , 9 april 2011; setahun sehari kita 2gether...
it's been a busy month since kita sedang berpraktikum..
nak pg celebrate pun xsempat..
i noe this will be coming, so i've prepared something at least sblm saya celebrate dgn awak..
but then, with the kalut-kalut, with the balik sklh lmbt, with the awak br jual vespa and with the tersalah topik sewaktu balik, something holds me back from giving u the 'thing'. its not that much but i tot it would be sweeter if sye kasi awk td time balik mkn..tp xpelah..well since i'm not sure when i'll be giving u the 'thing', saya tnjk kt sni dlu la ye?sbb klau simpan lame2, basi nnt..klau blh i want it to be on 8th April.

so inilah dia...


pokok ini front page nye...


added with a bit of coretan...



n ini adalah for the coming months....


basically ini sahaja yang saya mampu lakukan dlm mase sminggu ni..it's not dat much sorry but i hope u like it.

happy 1year and 1 day key :)

i love u n wishing u do love me too ^_^

Erm..

-ini moll yg tulis-

haih..dah naik berhabuk blog ni..
mybe masing2 bz kot.haha

Kejutan yang terindah :)

-Ini moll yg tulis-

Ok,kali ni saya taknak berputis,
atau bermadah pujangga,
atau berbelit dengan kata-kata..
cuma nak bergambaran dengan isi hati saya :)

ini PD 2011 version punya cerita.hehe
aarrgghhhhhhh..tak reti nak bayangkan macam mana.adoi..haha
yang penting sayang saya ni mmg gila!
yg paling gila,dy rela kena marah dengan saya
dari ape dy dah plan tu kantoi..
adoiii..
ade ke tipu sy ckp pegi kuar ngan lelaki len,ofcos la sy marah..
tp rupenye cerita itu hanyalah palsu.. :)
marah la sebab syg kn.hehe

pegi PD tu dah cukup hepy dah,
yela sbb sy mmg suke g makan angin,
tp yg lagi lagi hepy,tiba2 ada SUPRISE!
wah,rupenye dorg mmg dah merancang dari awal.betapa terharu nya saya
lagi2 bila tengok kek yg sayang sy ni buat..
kek buatan dy+kek bentuk kamera=suka gila gila!! (thanx sgt2 syg!!)
hahaha.
haih..smpai ke harini sy masih tersenyum,
segalanya mcm baru smlm berlaku.
itulah kenangan paling manis dalam hidup sy..
terima kasih sayang! :)

saya dapat hadiah ni!!

suka gila gila!hehe